I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
