Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize