he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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