Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she peed on how many people?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
