it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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