nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
