He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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