Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
