the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
