My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
