i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
