we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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