i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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