Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
