I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize