two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Terrible idea I love it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
