Jerry, you need to find god
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
