got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
