Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
