its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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