My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
