I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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