I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
