I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
