In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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