I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
