I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
