Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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