You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
