She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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