guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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