oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize