Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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