I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
