i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
