Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
