I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize