Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
