i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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