I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
