What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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