they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
