those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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