i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He felt like a one man threesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
