at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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