Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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