So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
