dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
