Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
