Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
