she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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