you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
