and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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