I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
