She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
