Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
