my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
