just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
