..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
