I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
