dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
