He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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