your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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