But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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