apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
