Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
