im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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