Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize