WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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