so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize