I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
