You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
even my farts smell like vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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