It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
