i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
as a side note pls kill me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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