I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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