yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Shame - the story of my life.
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