I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
