the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
