TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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