would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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