So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
