so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
