He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
