i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
