turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
