Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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