I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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