Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ttyl tear gas
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
