i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
