Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
