New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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