I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
