I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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