I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
two words: eviction party
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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