Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
