i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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