Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
