We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
