Already got asked if we're dating
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
